haha it’s already June 2, 1:35am. and I need to wake up early to go get my car fixed…BUT. I have an urge to write. so sleep must wait.

I really want to know what it feels like to be actually surprised in a birthday. I was always pretty curious, because how can so many people keep things so secretive to themselves? There’s always that one person who “makes that face” or “says that weird word” or “acts suspicious.”

There were three incidents. Number one. Quite a while back I was at Rachel’s house, and we were both looking at her facebook just talking. She clicked on her messages and I just glanced at it and somehow I never remembered being in a group message with my friends, then all of a sudden Rachel just shouted “oh! you weren’t suppose to see that!” hm hm. Number two. Dani was so certain that my sister was coming Thursday. How did she know? because of Emma. How the freak did Emma know? I never told anyone. Number three. I decided to just go on facebook and the moment I clicked the very first thing read “Anna’s surprise picnic party.” HAHAHAHAHAHA if that was a shock, do surprises really feel like that?

Man. I love my friends so much, that this was basically the best day (: even if all things went wrong, it turned out everything went right. I played along, acting like I didn’t know anything. and I knew they were acting being all secretive thinking they got me. LOL. it was cute. 

They ended up surprising me though with the feast and of course this watermelon filled with love juice. <3 

Dani painted my nails, thunder like. First time ever getting my nails down differently by a person. and Jedd thought I was boy. 

I watched Avengers (FINALLY) with my family and my sister came home. 

Everything just worked out great. I’m finally 18….and honestly, I feel spiritually stronger. 

And I guess, the surprise was my faithful grown the night before my birthday. Where God does things the least unexpected. 

jsyeung:

http://www.yaledailynews.com/news/2012/may/27/keegan-opposite-loneliness/?cross-campus

I literally just had a really amazing moment with God during my hunger and thirst in His Word, and it was the best birthday present ever. 

#explainlater  (written down in my journal, explained only to one person.)

man. I am in awe. 

ragingseas:

Karezoid Michael Karcz has been making rounds on the design blogs for some time now with his awesome digital art manipulation of sumptuous landscapes. There is definitely ample perspective, as well as a lot of nostalgia and poetry in his work, which often depicts the greatness of nature, while leaving the human being somewhere far in the background. The Warsaw-based Polish photographer has a painting background, which helped him develop his original vision, as he was first starting out. As he discovered photography in the early 90s, it was only a matter of time and the evolution of technology before he would discover the usefulness of digital photo-manipulation tools, such as Photoshop. He is a truly special artist, which achieves his unique view through the clever use of digital art.

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song 
And sing along
We’ll sing along

My friend’s family needs you the most. Please, I beg you. Reach out to them and let them feel your loving hand, help them get through this. 

please. I beg you.

I knew him in 5th grade. Actually, he was the one kid I was looking forward to see because I knew his best friend, Patrick. Patrick and I always had this thing since 3rd grade all the way to 5th grade. I really liked that kid a lot and he liked me…kinda like elementary love. When Patrick found out that I was going to same 5th grade elementary school with him he immediately called me and told me about AJ (his best friend) and Gaby Pena..a girl he liked when we were apart. 

I remember Patrick and AJ following me in the playground about the first week of school…AJ really creeped me out..but there was something about him that I really liked and could get along with. He was such an easy going person, sweet and understandable. The one vivid memory of him was when I played the “staring game” with him. Well….actually it was just me playing the game and him being confused. I pretended to seem that I was staring at him but I was just looking to his direction and he just kept staring at me back…thinking I was just some crazy person. HAHA

I remembered he called me pretty, but just someone he wouldn’t date. He was actually the first guy to call me that (patrick doesn’t count)…everyone else would just use the word “cute.” He was actually the only person who caught me cheating off of this girl’s test…and promised he wouldn’t tell anyone.

There were times where I also made fun of his funky ugly hair cut. He’d always tease me and I’d get so angry.

We grew apart once middle school, and completely pretended we didn’t know each other one highschool hit. We went our own paths and all I heard about AJ were just messes he got into. We went on separate roads…but honestly when I’d see him in the hallways, those elementary memories would just fly back.

Gah, I’m tearing up right now. 

Just thinking that he killed himself, someone that I had memories with, someone from our school really aches so bad. 

God, please be with him and his family and his friends because he was a good person, so sweet and honestly he wasn’t judging at all. He became my good friends, first friend. I heard all those stories about him, and yea he made mistakes. That doesn’t make him wicked or bad. He had a good heart. God, please be with him. please God. I will be praying each second. 

AJ, we really all love you. 

God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in Him.

another Tangled gif (:

I just can’t resist hehe

(Source: carpe-amor, via 10knotes)

I’m having one of those moments where I freak out about college.

I’m not even graduating until next Monday..so I can’t even say I’m done with senior year. 

My friend Alexis reminded me that my birthday was this Friday. Holy crap…I knew that it was coming soon..but it never occurred to me that I’m turning 18 in 4 days. 4 days.

I have my parents telling me that I’m going to suffer in college because I don’t know anything. nothing. It’s true…I’m an upcoming 18 year old who doesn’t know anything about life. My mom came in my room and just started comparing me to this sophmore girl who’s got her whole future planned out and how she’s already active. MAN EVERYTHING HAS TO BE MY FAULT. I have my dad saying that I wasted basically all my years not taking advantage in anything and how I never come up to my parents asking for help. Instead of being happy that I actually survived high school, they lost hope in me for my future. Yea I seem all emotional…but it really hurts when it’s coming from your parents and it really hurts when you know they’re right. 

the truth? I’m just beginning to figure out who I am, what I like and what I want, instead being “someone” else or “following” to be like them. I have God, that’s really what gets me through all these pessimism and jealousy. I don’t even know if I’m late or even early figuring everything out..but my parents certainly said I’ve wasted everything. 

I have so many issues right now that I want to fix before I turn 18. and it’s pretty much impossible. I’m pretty much lacking in so many areas. what’s pretty much deceiving is that people around me may think that I have everything under control, and I’m just over reacting. but I really don’t.

But I am excited about college….but deep down it’s so terrifying. 

I want to throw away all more than half of my clothes and go megashopping finding my own style. 

I’m tired of having my mom get me things, or having to have my clothes “approved”. 

I need a job.